On many lonely nights, I will open the URL of the forum, shuttle through the sections, browse the posts that can be seen as a tourist, although I don't have an account, I can still capture some interesting information, and then find other resource stations through keywords, so that I can get the most primitive desire for the comfort of my boring days. Sometimes the end of the resource is still hot is the gamemale forum, and the mood of wanting to have an account is also at its peak, and even fantasizing that you can achieve resource freedom after getting an account.

But today, after I received the invitation code, I didn't register as soon as possible, but it was very strange to open the drawing software and finish the homework before slowly clicking on the invitation link. It reminds me of the time when I was burned with lust and I would go out of my way to find resources, no matter how important things were. Sure, I know that pornography can't affect my life, but self-control and the desire for insatiable sex must also make my repressed heart extremely hot. But this time, I unexpectedly chose to slow down, and did not be dominated by desire and acted fanatically. It also made me think about what it is to be a sexual minority person to really aspire.

The environment around me is relatively conservative, and I can only suppress my own nature as an "alternative", and this also makes me show an infinite desire for naked sex, so I will develop a lot of perverted fetishes, but the long career as a forum visitor has put a frosted glass between me and pure pornography, and I know that my desire is on the other side, but I can only vaguely perceive it. After a long time, I began to notice the clear water post of the forum, although everyone's discussion did not directly touch the content of desire, but everyone was able to speak freely, express themselves without scruples, without pretense and suppression.

This also made me realize that sex and love are complementary to each other, and the fetishes brought about by sex will make the spirit happy, which is due to the negative state of separation caused by the environment and self-adaptation, and the so-called depravity is the default pursuit of happiness will produce collapse, since desire and order cannot be obtained at the same time, then there are traces of the complete abandonment of one behavior. But love can be celebrated, love is the regulating mechanism of sexuality, unlike sexual fetishes, love can be integrated into normal life. Love is receptive to sex and normalizes desire. Therefore, in my eyes, the pursuit of a normal erotic relationship will be the subject of every gay in the separation.

So while pursuing SM but I hope that the protagonist can find true love and get tenderness .While looking forward to sex, I look forward to the resonance of the hearts of both parties； and I yearn for love but  I yearn for him to be able to make me like a spring breeze like elders. This is all due to man's own search for love.

For me, the forum attracts me with its erotic gestures, but it heals me with its gentle face, and opens a hole for communication for the inner group that is suppressed in reality. It has shaped my true self-identity. Finally, I would like to thank the old users who provided me with the invitation code, thank you for your kindness and trust, and I will try my best to maintain the forum and abide by the order.

I hope that every comrade can live a happy life.

(I used English because there were many people in the dormitory, and I'm not ready to let others know I'm gay.)